From Where I Sit. Price: £7.99 (282 pages, paperback)
This book is dedicated to all those who buy it, in the hope that it will raise enough money to send our youngest to private school. This would mean he wouldn't have to mix with council house children, unlike our 16-year-old who, despite enjoying a high-ranking in English and geography, still cannot spell properly and hasn't the faintest inkling that Bradford could be in Yorkshire. She knows every street of the way to Nelson Mandela's house. Mind you, living in the Home Counties she hasn't had the benefit of learning traditional children's songs in Urdu.
As I Was Saying. Price: £7.99 (281 pages, paperback)
I am indebted to all the newspapers, both national and local, who have provided inspiration to examine in detail certain stories upon which they have reported.
I am indebted to all those who wrote letters to newspapers upon which I have commented.
I am indebted to all those who became parents and bestowed upon their children an array of imaginative names.
I am indebted to all those who ingratiated themselves to the point where I felt compelled to mention them in this tome.
I am indebted to all those who wrote to me commenting on my first book, including Mr. Pratt. Many thanks.
And I am still in debt to the bloody Midland Bank!
The Further Thoughts of Chair Mann. Price: £5.99 (295 pages, paperback)
FORWARD - OR EVER ONWARD
So, it's you. I wondered when that moment of curiosity would raise itself to the point where you felt compelled to examine the contents. Have we ever met before? Maybe not literally, but as reader and writer, or are you a Trouser Press virgin - preferably around 20 years of age with a 40" bust! That, however, is the trouble with the ageing process, one's fantasies become more fanciful whilst reality becomes... well, acceptable.
Now then. A few do's and don'ts before proceeding.
PLEASE check to see that your hands are clean. I don't want any paw marks or dog-eared corners.
DO NOT flick through in the hope of finding a section of glossy pages of photos - it's all words and although it's not joined up writing, some contain more than one syllable. Please note!
DO NOT proceed if you are from the lower classes or a single parent or you are on benefit. Chances are, I'm paying for your copy, which defeats the object of the exercise, so kindly replace it and finger Jeffrey Archer instead. On second thoughts, take it. After all, I subsidise your cigarettes, alcohol, lottery tickets and children. Oh, and by the way, for those who are used to getting something for nothing out of life, try something novel - like paying for it on the way out! Who knows, you might just learn a little (there, hope that doesn't sound too pompous).
Any offence that may be taken is purely intentional!
This title is NOT recommended by Waterstones Bookshop, Newbury!
The Club - An Everyday Story of Trainspotters
Price: £6.99 (225 pages, paperback)
The author has drawn upon his childhood memories as a "spotter", his encounters with the preservation movement and long-standing involvement with model railways in order to present "The Club".
The story concerns a group of similarly dedicated individuals, brought together from many walks of life. The reader follows their everyday trials and tribulations which are inevitably entwined with the world of steam, modelling, exhibitions, day trips and a yearning for the past. The result is their membership of the Surbiton Railway Club.
Although this is a novel and all characters in this publication are fictitious, Mr. David Shepherd, OBE, Founder of the East Somerset Railway, kindly allowed the author to include his name and character within the storyline
Last Mann Standing - The Antidote to Political Correctness
Price: £7.99 (294 pages, paperback)
Packed full of views, observations, anecdotes and jokes. Lots of long words for the educated and short words for everybody else.
In his own special style Anthony points out what is wrong with this country and even offers some remedies. From corny jokes to political insight, you will find it all here.
As normal Anthony will be mortified if he doesn't offend somebody with his view of the world, life would not be worth living.
Sit back, get out a beer (from Asda) or a wine (from Waitrose) and get ready to be entertained or insulted, whichever you prefer.